Common Courtesy

As I mused in my last post, I tend to hear the word "courtesy" almost exclusively in the phrase "common courtesy."  Historically speaking, this term is very interesting.  "Common," in the Renaissance, meant low and was generally insulting.  If something was common, it was beneath you (assuming you were a literate member of the upper class and leaving a written record of your thoughts).
In this phrase, however, the word common seems to have taken on a sort of low nobility-- if you'll excuse the pun-- and represents not what is low, but what should be inherent in humanity.
Common courtesy, then, is the simple roadmap of rules by which we must relate to each other.
My husband works for FedEx, and one day I was riding along with him while he made his deliveries.  We were delivering a few packages to a store that catered primarily to teenage girls, and there was a small pack of them at the checkout line.  We had to interrupt their purchasing to have the manager sign for the package, and two of the girls rolled their eyes at my hubby (not particularly surprising if you've spent any time around 14-year-olds).  What was surprising is that one of the girls made eye contact with us, smiled and said "how are you today?"  I reflected on her engagement with us, wondering whether someone in her family worked for a delivery company, giving her a sympathetic leaning towards us, or whether she always went out of her way to be nice to people.  Then I realized that it was a little sad that it was such a rare occurrence for someone to exhibit the initiative to be pleasant that I was analyzing the situation.  Surely the dictates of common courtesy prescribe such interactions daily.  The people who many upper-middle class members of society view as "beneath them"-- the blue-collar jobs of delivery drivers, mail carriers, trash collectors, forklift drivers, and even secretaries-- grease the wheels of our society, and we depend on them in many ways.  Surely stepping out of your own world for 15 seconds to say "hello" or "have a nice day" to them doesn't harm us, and it may have a lasting impact on them. 
Common courtesy seems to be associated with respect.  A lack of the most basic of social decorum in daily interactions communicates a lack of respect for a person, and it is this lack of respect that offends us.  We feel that we deserve the respect that we afford others-- the respect of a common humanity and individual choice-- and when we feel that that respect has been violated, it offends us.  I believe that should offend us.  Just as language is an agreed upon group of signs that represent other things, our common courtesies are an agreed-upon group of interactions that determine how we relate to one another.  In an world in which our cultures are becoming more and more integrated, it is important that we understand, expand, and integrate these social interactions as well.  Perhaps the loss of common courtesy that so many bemoan is not a loss after all, but a change in the parameters of what we consider commonly courteous.  

Is Courtesy Outdated?

I recently gave a graduate class presentation on the Roman concept of decorum-- one of the concepts that I believe contributed to the eventual concept of courtesy.  As part of my discussion, I listed the many synonyms that decorum has (some of which are listed on the previous blog entry).  My professor posed the question of what our modern term for decorum would be: most of the synonyms for decorum sound quite old-fashioned.
While I tend to drop some archaic-sounding language into everyday speech-- thrice, whilst, befits, passers-by, etc-- it is uncommon to overhear shoppers or restaurant-goers discussing propriety, bearing, comportment, or etiquette (though one may perhaps overhear a conversation about "netiquette").  While I won't go so far as to say that courtesy doesn't exist in a contemporary context, I will argue that the terms associated with the idea seem outdated.  
Does courtesy have a place in our society beyond how to address a wedding invitation or when it's acceptable to wear white shoes?  When I hear the term "etiquette," I hear my mother's warnings against wearing white after labor day or black shoes in the daytime after Easter.  These things seem silly to me, and I think that true etiquette should be something more meaningful.  Perhaps its more meaningful form comes from a phrase that we do hear more frequently, and one which I will be exploring more fully in my next post: common courtesy.

Definitions

Since all knowledge essentially begins with definition, that is where this blog will start. The following definitions are directly related to my conception of courtesy. (All of the following definitions are taken from the Oxford English Dictionary.) I am beginning with the OED but will be supplementing, complementing, and amending these definitions to my own purposes as my studies and intellectual pursuits progress.

Courtesy:
1.a: Courteous behaviour; courtly elegance and politeness of manners; graceful politeness or considerateness in intercourse with others.
2.a:Courteous disposition; courteousness; also nobleness, generosity, benevolence, goodness

Etiquette
1.c: The conventional rules of personal behaviour observed in the intercourse of polite society; the ceremonial observances prescribed by such rules.

Manners:
3.a: Customary mode of acting or behaviour; habitual practice; usage, custom, fashion.

Decorum:
1.a: That which is proper, suitable, seemly, befitting, becoming; fitness, propriety, congruity.
1.b: That which is proper to the character, position, rank, or dignity of a real person.
1.c: That which is proper to the circumstances or requirements of the case: seemliness, propriety, fitness.

Aptness:
1.a: Fitness for a purpose; suitableness, appropriateness.

Comportment:
1.a:Personal bearing, carriage, demeanour, deportment; behaviour, outward conduct, course of action.

Deportment:
1.a:Manner of conducting oneself; conduct (of life); behaviour.

Bearing:
2.a: The carrying of oneself (with reference to the manner); carriage, deportment; behaviour, demeanour.

Demeanor:
1.a: Conduct, way of acting, mode of proceeding (in an affair); conduct of life, manner of living; practice, behaviour.

Courtliness:
The quality of being courtly; courtly civility or ‘grace of mien’; courtly elegance of manners.

Conduct:
6.a: The action or manner of conducting, directing, managing, or carrying on (any business, performance, process, course, etc.); direction, management.